A Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love by Alice Winters

A Hitman's Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

Author: Alice Winters

Rating: B

Vibe: Absurdist rom-com where logic takes a vacation and chaos wears a tactical vest

Leland is a hitman. Jackson is a private investigator. They meet when Jackson gets stuck on a fence mid-surveillance and accidentally moons him. Leland is instantly smitten. Jackson is instantly mortified. What follows is a gleefully absurd romantic thriller where a contract killer stalks a PI with flowers and references to his "totally-not-fictitious" blow-up doll Randy (or was it Dandy?), all while they team up to take down a human trafficker. It's ridiculous. It knows it's ridiculous. And for the most part, that's the point.

I had fun with this book. Alice Winters clearly knows what lane she's in—this is escapist comedy with a crime plot stapled on for structure. It's not trying to be a gritty exploration of morality or a realistic thriller. It's trying to make you laugh, and for long stretches, it does. The banter between Leland and Jackson is genuinely clever early on, and there are moments where the absurdity lands perfectly. A hitman wooing a PI with increasingly unhinged gestures while they hunt criminals? Sure. Why not.

But here's the thing: Leland starts out charming in his chaos, and by the midpoint, he's... a lot. The humor that felt sharp and witty at the beginning starts to feel more frantic than funny. I wanted wit—the kind of banter that makes you grin because it's smart—but what I got more often was Leland being annoying. There's a difference between a character who's endearingly chaotic and one who's just exhausting, and Leland crosses that line more than once. I kept wishing Winters had leaned into cleverness over volume.

Jackson, by comparison, is grounded and dry, which helps. He's the straight man to Leland's hurricane personality, and their dynamic works best when Jackson gets to be sardonic and unimpressed. But even Jackson can't quite save the book from the fact that Leland's shtick wears thin.

None of this book is believable. Leland is not a remotely plausible contract killer. The plot doesn't hold up to scrutiny. The romance happens at warp speed. And that’s fine. This isn't the kind of book where you're supposed to ask questions like "would a notorious hitman really behave this way?" or "how is any of this legal?" You're supposed to shut off your brain, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the ride. And if you can do that, A Hitman's Guide delivers a breezy, funny romp.

It's also worth noting: this book isn't trying to say anything about the gay experience. It's not interested in authenticity or emotional depth. It's pure escapist fantasy—two attractive men bickering their way into love while occasionally committing felonies. If that's what you're in the mood for, you'll probably have a good time.

But I wanted the humor to stay as sharp as it started. I wanted Leland to be funnier and less... much. And I wanted the book to trust its own wit instead of leaning so hard on chaos. Still, I laughed, I was entertained, and I'd probably pick up the sequel if I needed something light. Just maybe not right away.e. It won't surprise you, but it will make you smile. And sometimes, that's exactly what you need.